I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
