didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We are all done wearing pants today
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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