i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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