Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
