yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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