I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
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Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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