Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I need to sanitize my soul.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
