I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
