Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
