I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
