I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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