the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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