Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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