i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
