Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Sext me about skeletons
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
