Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Reggie can tackle my bush.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
