Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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