we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
