i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
