you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
