Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
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He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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