I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
