hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
