She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
