and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
