I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
that's an acceptable place to lick
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize