Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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