Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
