she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dignity is for republicans.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
