Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
