Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
