Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
