What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
