I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
