Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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