he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
