Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
