tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
