Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
