Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
