i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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