I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
