Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
