Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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