Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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