sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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