I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
