she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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