How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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