I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My bed smells like the plague
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
