Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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