We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
