I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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