You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
