I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
