i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
