I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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