I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you traded sex for a burrito?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sext me about skeletons
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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