why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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