He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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