he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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