Your dad touched me again.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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