Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize