I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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