I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
