I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
