i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
